My rules on proper Facebook etiquette

As many of you know, I am a total Facebook junkie. There, I admitted it, ok? Occasionally I go through periods when Facebook’s luster begins to dull and I go elsewhere for my online entertainment. But then I start to feel guilty and return all mopey and droopy-shouldered to my one true love, Facebook. As a self-proclaimed expert, I am going to provide my humble opinions on what is and what is not acceptable Facebook behavior.

Debbie Downer posts: not acceptable. If more than 90% of your status updates are about your sick kids, your boring life, or how you have no true friends, you may be a Debbie Downer. If you, like me, automatically make the wrah rahhh noise every time you think of Debbie Downer, this 3 second clip will satisfy you immensely.

Over-bragging posts: not acceptable. If you got a great new job, awesome. If you just closed on a million dollar home, I kinda hate you but at the same time I am happy for you. These type of posts are not at all what I’m talking about. I’m talking about this kind: “It’s 9am and I just jogged 5 miles, I already have dinner cooking in the crock pot, and my bathroom floors are so clean you could lick them. Now I’m going to spend quality time with my perfect child and relax in my McMansion. Oh! And I’ll be spending this weekend in the Hamptons. But don’t worry- I’ll be sure to upload a few pics of me and my perfect bikini-body being cute while I’m gone.”

Clever pictures of random things you come across in daily life: acceptable! I love these the best. When you see a transvestite riding a horse on a city street, please take a picture and upload it. If you are lucky enough to come across something that is worthy of being on peopleofwalmart.com  say click! and take a pic! These things are funny and appreciated by your Facebook family.

Now don’t even get me started on unfriending. I know, we all do it. But something about it still seems cruel. I know there are plenty of good reasons to unfriend people and sometimes it is downright justified. I try not to get upset when I realize I’ve been unfriended. And being the Facebook stalker that I am, I usually find out eventually (consider yourself warned). Maybe you think I post too much or you simply don’t want to read about my child’s latest adorable antic. I can understand that not everyone in the world finds my children to be quite as precious as I do. That’s OK, here’s my rule on this- if you are a family member it would probably make Thanksgiving dinner a bit more bearable if you simply hide my posts rather than unfriend me. If you are a marginal friend, it’s cool! Feel free to drop me like Britney Spears does her babies.

I know I personally have broken a few of these rules here and there. (Mom- I’m truly sorry I unfriended you that one time. I never really wanted your un-friendship. You know I can be a bit dramatical at times. And I was totally begging for you to come back to me within 30 minutes.)

Certainly I have left out some rules. Please feel free to comment and tell me what I forgot. Heck, if you feel like it, you can even just tell me that I’m wrong as a ding dong. I mean, I can’t promise that I won’t delete your comment if that’s your opinion, but you can at least let me know.

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The New Facebook has ticked me off, this is my protest

Hmm, it seems like most everyone else in my family has started blogging so why not me? I mean, really. I am a stay at home mom caring for two sweet babes, 5 year old Madeline and 2 year old Baylor…Who out there is not dying to learn about my fascinating life? Here goes.

Thanks to preschool I have a guaranteed 8 hours of free time each week. Today was one of those “magic” preschool days (read: either Tuesday or Thursday)…I spent one of my free hours strolling down memory lane, transferring all of my family movies from 2008-2009 from computer to DVD…Lately I have considered pushing myself into the arms of an institution by just thinking about getting pregnant again. But watching the old videos almost makes me re-think having another baby. I mean, I just saw myself post-mortem! Oh, I mean post-partum. And so raggedy and exhausted-looking with my main fashion accessory being a crying baby. Just watching the old videos makes me want to plan a hallucinogenic vacation. Ha ha, jk…sorta. Honestly, I have never taken anything stronger than a very mild Zanax combined with a glass of wine…OK, fine, a bottle of wine, you stickler, you.

And then I dedicated another hour of my freedom to becoming a “sweeper.” I’m actually not sure if that it what it is called but my rudimentary (I had to look that up- I thought the word I wanted was “rudite”) sweepstakes education tells me this is correct…Doing sweepstakes online was pretty fun, kinda like gambling without spending any money. I’m sure my dear husband would probably prefer that I get some type of real job, but really? If I could manage to pull a tropical island vacation out of my ass, I think he might get on board with this new hobby.

And to top off this mundane and typical Thursday, I am practically famous now as I was featured on the news earlier today. Oh yeah! I live in Florida where we have state sponsored pre-kindergarten education for 4-year-olds. Apparently the standards are being increased for these programs and my local news station needed a real expert (read: mom picking up kid from preschool) to discuss these new changes…How hard do you think it might be to watch a close-up of your face in HD on a 47-inch flatscreen? Well, it’s true you will find me at the first Weight Watchers meeting I can crash tomorrow. But even worse than my super-sized face was the Valley-girl persona I took on during my interview…Apparently my now-Kindergartner “wouldn’t be doin’ so great” without pre-k, spoken all dippy-like and complete with hair flip.

And that was my Thursday, how was yours?