WARNING: You are not about to experience mother-in-law bashing. Even though my MIL is not likely to ever stumble across my blog, my husband has 5, yes, that’s right, 5 older sisters. It is entirely likely that they may fill her in on anything evil or trashy I might think to write about and I know better than to play with fire. I will simply highlight some of the funnier moments I have experienced (usually at my own expense) courtesy of my mother-in-law, Gloria, AKA Mommy Glo (MG).
For those of you who have never had the pleasure, let me give you a very brief intro to Gloria. She is a full-blooded Italian Mama. She was a gorgeous young woman in her youth and even after having 7 children, she managed to be a total MILF. Alas, sweet Mommy Glo has a sharp tongue which has occasionally been turned on me.
For the past 33 years or so, I have been referred to as “Kristy.”…Not a terribly weird or difficult name, I mean, nothing crazy like “Baylor” or anything. And having been raised primarily by my Mom and Grandma (who was herself a mother of 9), I am completely familiar with the “Michael, Tommy, George, John, Maggi, Mary, Miss, Kris-WHATEVER your name is!” phenomenon. This is not new to me. What is new to me since that first fateful meeting nearly 9 years ago is my new name, “That Girl.” Apparently rather than going through the roster of possible names for me, MG finds it easier to skip straight to this one. “Please tell That Girl she is in my way and I need her to move.”
We have had a few other “issues” through the years…I am proud to say that I breastfed both of my children for a year apiece. It was my personal goal to do this, and although with my first it was CRAZY hard in the beginning, I did it. Now I promise, you will not ever catch me on a high horse because of this, thinking that I am in any way superior to anyone else. (Por ejemplo: When is the last time you fed your kids McDonald’s Happy Meal’s for dinner whilst strolling through Wal-Mart? Cause I totally did that tonight! – I swear, I am so not a Mom-judger- How could I be?!) Had I not come from a long line of breastfeeding-Nazi’s, I likely would have given up on it before I left the hospital. But sweet Mommy Glo birthed and raised babies in a different time when breastfeeding was just not what most mothers did. Hence, her opinions. When she came to visit our home just after the birth of my first child and tried to tell me everything I was doing wrong in trying to nurse my young child, I almost had to be physically restrained.
Another time, sweet Mommy Glo had an approaching birthday. Ol’ Cruggers, being a dutiful son and all, asked what MG would like as a gift. She gave the typical Mom explanation, “Oh I don’t really need anything, I would just love to spend time with my kids!” At least, that was her answer until pressed by Crug…”Really, I don’t know! I guess…Hmm, I guess you could just get me some of that cheap perfume stuff…You know, like what Kristy wears.” I should have been offended, but honestly I was just happy that she finally said my actual name!
I was going to continue and write about how MG has critiqued the way I clean the showers and tubs in my house but it seems unnecessary. I mean, this is actually the one-and-only house cleaning chore that is Crugger’s responsibility. I’m not going to try to ruin MG’s day by letting her know that it is actually her youngest man-child who can’t manage to win the fight against mildew.
I have learned that when it comes to MIL’s, it can often be a rocky-road traveled. I would prefer to avoid this rough terrain altogether. If I think about it, here is what I truly feel about MG: This wonderful woman created the man I am proud to call my baby daddy and for this I am forever grateful. If this means I have to answer to “That Girl” for the years to come, so be it…At least she doesn’t call me anything weird, like “Baylor.”