My rules on proper Facebook etiquette

As many of you know, I am a total Facebook junkie. There, I admitted it, ok? Occasionally I go through periods when Facebook’s luster begins to dull and I go elsewhere for my online entertainment. But then I start to feel guilty and return all mopey and droopy-shouldered to my one true love, Facebook. As a self-proclaimed expert, I am going to provide my humble opinions on what is and what is not acceptable Facebook behavior.

Debbie Downer posts: not acceptable. If more than 90% of your status updates are about your sick kids, your boring life, or how you have no true friends, you may be a Debbie Downer. If you, like me, automatically make the wrah rahhh noise every time you think of Debbie Downer, this 3 second clip will satisfy you immensely.

Over-bragging posts: not acceptable. If you got a great new job, awesome. If you just closed on a million dollar home, I kinda hate you but at the same time I am happy for you. These type of posts are not at all what I’m talking about. I’m talking about this kind: “It’s 9am and I just jogged 5 miles, I already have dinner cooking in the crock pot, and my bathroom floors are so clean you could lick them. Now I’m going to spend quality time with my perfect child and relax in my McMansion. Oh! And I’ll be spending this weekend in the Hamptons. But don’t worry- I’ll be sure to upload a few pics of me and my perfect bikini-body being cute while I’m gone.”

Clever pictures of random things you come across in daily life: acceptable! I love these the best. When you see a transvestite riding a horse on a city street, please take a picture and upload it. If you are lucky enough to come across something that is worthy of being on peopleofwalmart.com  say click! and take a pic! These things are funny and appreciated by your Facebook family.

Now don’t even get me started on unfriending. I know, we all do it. But something about it still seems cruel. I know there are plenty of good reasons to unfriend people and sometimes it is downright justified. I try not to get upset when I realize I’ve been unfriended. And being the Facebook stalker that I am, I usually find out eventually (consider yourself warned). Maybe you think I post too much or you simply don’t want to read about my child’s latest adorable antic. I can understand that not everyone in the world finds my children to be quite as precious as I do. That’s OK, here’s my rule on this- if you are a family member it would probably make Thanksgiving dinner a bit more bearable if you simply hide my posts rather than unfriend me. If you are a marginal friend, it’s cool! Feel free to drop me like Britney Spears does her babies.

I know I personally have broken a few of these rules here and there. (Mom- I’m truly sorry I unfriended you that one time. I never really wanted your un-friendship. You know I can be a bit dramatical at times. And I was totally begging for you to come back to me within 30 minutes.)

Certainly I have left out some rules. Please feel free to comment and tell me what I forgot. Heck, if you feel like it, you can even just tell me that I’m wrong as a ding dong. I mean, I can’t promise that I won’t delete your comment if that’s your opinion, but you can at least let me know.